As the lights went up in the theater, there was a quick moment went my mind raced with opinions. Did I like what I just saw? Did I love it? Was it all I was waiting for? And the dreaded; was it disappointing? After a few quick moments of thought, I decided The Expendables is good fun but flawed. Massively flawed. Now before I get too into the specifics, know this, I was ready for a huge letdown. So with my hampered expectations, I grabbed my ticket and took a seat.
The Expendables opens with the titular team facing off against a team of Somalian Pirates. The Pirates are holding a group of who-the-fuck-knows hostage for the ransom of $5,000,000. Now, Sly's team don't take so well to Terrorists, Pirates or other groups of scum, so naturally Sly, Statham, Li and company break out the big guns and massacre the group. This opening sets the tone for the movie you're about to watch. High on action and testosterone, low on story. Who knows who these guys are? Who are the hostages? Does anyone care? Admittedly, I was too caught up in the 'splosions and gun play to give a shit about any of this and that's kind of how I stayed for the rest of the film. Good guys meet bad guys, good guys kill bad guys, the movie ends, we all go home.
For a film that promotes itself as being an homage to 80's action films, Sly relies very heavily on CGI (which wasn't available in the 1980's). That's fine, but could he at least have gotten some good fucking CGI? From shoddy laser-sights to ridiculously obvious CG gore, these shots really take you out of the fluidity of each scene making you think to yourself, "well that was definitely computerized". It's just plain bad oversight on Stallone's part as director of the film. Get straight man! Fire your effects team!
The part of the film everyone cares about is the cast. Stallone has assembled arguably the best possible for this kind of film. He's got Jet Li, Jason Statham, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Dolph Lundgren and Eric Roberts. I like the fact that each member does get their one little set piece and I think Sly wisely chose a set piece similar to what each cast member is famous for. Li gets some martial arts in there, Austin and Couture get some signature wrestling moves in, etc. So for that, I'm happy. The chemistry between the group is for the most part excellent, too. The scenes between Sly, Li & Statham in particular work really well, as each actor just bounces off each other creating a real 'working man's atmosphere'. They cover all the important topics of conversation here folks; Knives, Women, Guns & more Knives. Oh yeah.
And this would be no review without mentioning the fabled scene between Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you bought a ticket to see Willis and Schwarzenegger kick ass and take names, man, you bought a ticket for the wrong movie (because there isn't any such movie!). Here the trio share a 3 minute scene where the exchange quips about new jobs, old jobs, each others weight and that's about it. Before you know it Schwarzenegger is out of the picture and Willis is following suit. Don't get me wrong, it's a very cool scene (it's an action lover's delight) but I just wish more could have come from it.
Looking back over this review, it all sounds so negative. I wish to just clarify, The Expendables is a blast when it gets going, but bad CGI, a weak plot and missed opportunities hold it back from being THE FUCKING EXPENDABLES. So, if your looking for something light, dumb and loud as hell, check it out!
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